LOCKDOWN LIMERICK CHALLENGE - all the 133 entries listed and the winners are announced, with the winner reading her winning limerick!

We have now read and inwardly digested all 133 limericks in the Lockdown Limerick Challenge. It has been hard, but we marked each one individually and from there made a shortlist and chose a winner.

WINNER

Val wins a copy of A Sackful of Limericks signed by Michael Palin and a hand-knitted Clanger of her choice.

If lockdown makes you feel grey
With little to do or to say
Limerick writing
Can be quite exciting
So why don't you pepuptheday?

By Val Swanborough

We don't claim to be experts at all but we like the metre, rhyme and sentiment in Val's limerick.

 

Here is Val reading her winning limerick for us all to enjoy...

 

 

 

RUNNER UP

Anne wins a copy of A Sackful of Limericks by Michael Palin (sorry it isn't signed! We bought it before we heard that Michael Palin was sending a copy for the winner - so we thought we would give it as a runner up prize)

We know that the lockdown is tough,
And not seeing our loved ones is rough,
But please don’t despair,
The whole world is still there.
We’ll be holding them tight soon enough

By Anne Willets

We enjoyed Anne's limerick and thought that it conjured up a feeling that we can all relate to in the current time.

 

OTHER LIMERICKS ON THE SHORTLIST

The issues are not academic
We’re fighting a deadly pandemic
And, at the same time,
that virulent slime:
Hatred that’s sadly endemic

Stewart Harris - Very poignant and intelligent entry.

 

There was a young poet called Sam
who wrote night and day just for Spam
when asked did he rhyme
he said ‘Yes, all the time
except when I don’t feel like it.

By Rona - who made us laugh

 

Our doctor told my husband, Titus,
“ No, it isn’t a flare of arthritis.
Blame Pep Up The Day
That she’s acting this way,
It’s a BAD case of Limerickitis.”

By Susan - We really enjoyed the last line in particular.

 

The lovely young maiden Miss Vickers,
Made a face mask from Granny's old knickers,
It's just academic,
To stop this Pandemic,
It'll also prevent you nose pickers!

By Brian Clayton - Fun but did make us cringe!

 

There once was a man from Herne bay
Who was shielding so home had to stay
Watching the news
Gave him the blues
So for fun read Pep up the Day

By Darren - Fun from Darren and one of the first entries we received.

 

I'm Boris and here is the news
You don't want to be in my shoes
Instructions today
Are to do what I say
But not as I doodle-y doos

By Dan - Made us laugh out loud!

 

Home-schooling with Mum and with Dad?
We’re fed up, we’re lonely, we’re sad.
Schools won’t start till September
Or it could be December,
By that time, we’ll all have gone mad.

By Susan - Lots of people relate to the homeschooling issues. Let's hope they do start in September!

 

The Government made some new laws
It said ‘people, you must stay indoors’
But Cummings said ‘no
I’m still going to go
And I’ll follow my own rules, not yours!’

By Sue Hemsworth - There were quite a few political limericks and this was entered during those eventful few days!

 

 

 

ALL ENTRIES - THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO TOOK THE TIME TO ENTER. WE ENJOYED READING EVERY SINGLE ONE!

Imagine the end of Corona
When we all emerge from our coma
Gosh, what a fright
When we all unite
Resembling Demis Roussos, wearing Komonas

By Caroline

 

There was an old woman from Stroud
Who was strangely excessively proud
Of her prowess at farting:
She was famous for starting
Quite quietly, but finishing loud.

By Mary, from Stroud

 

There once was a PM in lockdown
An elitist, on others he looked down
"We make the rules,
You follow them, fools!"
It's time we got rid of this clown

By David

 

Words most parents never expected to hear:-
“Mum,” wailed Cassandra, “ you’re cruel.
You are turning me into a fool.
Maths, reading and writing,
Were so, so exciting -
I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

By Susan

 

Amazingly, antelope stew,
Is supposedly better for you.
Than a goulash of rat,
Or Hungarian cat,
But I guess that something you knew

By Doug

 

There once was a woman from Crete
who dreamt she danced naked in the street
The very next day
she found to her dismay
she had mud on the soles of her feet

 

There once was a young man from York
who was especially fond of pulled pork
He ate it with bread
whilst stood on his head
and impaled himself on a fork

By Helen

 

Winston Churchill first said it, well knowing,
when we're going through Hell we keep going.
The infirm stay in place,
the rest swelter in grace
lest our liberty falls to fear growing.

By Portly Bard

 

Bare fridge and empty pasta tub
Ask Mum for a generous sub
Still no flour for us to bake
Another week minus cake
Thank goodness for the virtual pub

 

Mouldy cheddar and flat old beer
Queues ahead don’t get too near
Stuck in the house
Shout at your spouse
We’ll surely remember this year

 

Old Mrs Mop who lives right next door
Stuck her head in a wasps nest and swore
It was rude and ripe
And lasted all night
So she went off to bed for a snore

By Fay

 

Last night I heard Dad say to Mum,
“I’m embarrassed, I can’t do these sums.
I’m not trying to shirk,
I can’t do his homework,
Ben’s six, he’ll think his Dad’s dumb.

By Susan

 

I am clever, for I am Dominic,
but this morning I am feeling quite sick.
Quick, dear Mary, the car.
County Durham's not far.
Rules are for fools, for the herd, for the thick.

By Robin

 

Dad, we know you love Fido a lot,
He’s the very best friend that you’ve got,
But if you stroke his fur
There’s a risk of transfer
Of the virus, he’d have to be shot!

By Susan

 

There was a couple from Clun,
who thought that lockdown would be fun,
but they got some new neighbours,
who should have been sailors
and F@@ked right off to the sun....

By Karen

 

There was a young couple from York
who watched bands so they didn't have to talk
but now the pubs are all closed
the conversation just flows
and they've realised they were like cheese and chalk

By Janet

 

When Gran got her shielding letter
The family decided we’d better
Lock her up in the shed,
Alone, but well-fed,
That way the virus won’t get her.

By Marnisquirrel

 

There was a young farmer loved Wales
But was bored of baling big bales
He tried his hand shearing
But now all he's hearing is
"Eey up, lad, We need thee over in t' Dales

By Gareth

 

There was an old granny from Montrose.
Who found it difficult to touch her toes.
She started to exercise with Joe Wicks.
Gradually managing to achieve those high kicks.
And can now touch her toes with her nose.

By Patricia

 

A worried young teacher called Hugh
Was instructed by the N.E.U.,
Without an injection
That destroys this infection,
All teaching is strictly taboo.

By Susan

 

Let’s all Pepuptheday says Bee             ******
Win Clangers Clanger ChunkiChilli
Signed book Sackful of Limericks too
Lockdown Limerick Challenge for you
Oh Michael Palin’s book just for me

By Viva

 

Let’s all Pepuptheday says Bee
Win Clangers Clanger ChunkiChilli
Signed book Sackful of Limericks too
Lockdown Limerick Challenge for you
Yay Michael Palin’s book just for me

By Viva Andrada O'Flynn

 

Been in lockdown with Covid 19
Not very good for an adventurous young teen
The Government not providing ppe for the nhs,
Is totally disgraceful and incredibly mean.

By Kate

 

Sent in by caroline. Thank you!
All wrapped up in little bubbles
All because of Covid troubles
A round of applause
For all locked indoors
Tidying their drawers and sick of chores

By Caroline

 

Psst..listen, keep it under your hats,
Covid virus has leap-frogged from bats.
If it’s blood that you crave
Skulking in your man- cave,
Dear Dad, you’re a gonna, that’s that!

By Susan

 

There was an old codger called Tom
Twas from Moreton Montaine he came from
He was such a good walker - in fact a real "corker"
And he walked and he talked with aplomb!
Lap after lap he walked around and around
And the public matched each by their generous pound
The fund grew and grew - it really is true
Until it reached the head that was crowned!!
On TV most days he was seen
His adventures impressing the Queen
She thought "He's caused quite a stir - I will make him a "Sir"
He deserves more than the news on a screen
Old Tom is now a hundred years old
With a heart that is made out of gold
When he said "Yes" - for the NHS
It became a story that had to be told!

By Margaret

 

knight, oxford revue, history degree, cbe to his name
writer, actor, presenter, narrator, family man, fame
on tour
no boor
close-knit clanger yarns and limericks win acclaim

perhaps we shall see and hear and oh dear, glean
ah now, that is major clanger with his flying machine
from monty python
to iron chicken
michael palin to interpret what those whistlings mean
The Whistling Clangers are a cosy, tight-knit family
Eat Blue String Pudding and Green Soup for tea
Space travel
Tales unravel
Music Trees and Cheese Trees yarns for you and me

The Clangers live on a blue planet in space
Flutey-voiced in a cratery, knobbly, moony place
They’re well hid
By a dustbin lid
Having adventures watched by the human race

The Clangers and Michael form a tight-knit group
He tells of Soup Dragon dispensing green soup
Blue string
And whistling
Tiny, Small and Major, Glow buzzers, and the Froglets troupe

An array of limericks from Moa

 

There was a young man from Wuhan,
Which is where the virus began,
Travelled worldwide by plane
Then he did it again.
Was it part of a cunning plan ?

By Marni

 

Open the pub we insist!
As we count down the days,
So we can go get sozzled,
in so many ways!
A lovely pint,
An extra Gin,
Open them pub doors so we can all come back in!

By Deana

 

Stay home: right through the lockdown
Stay home: avoid going to town
Stay home: that’s the plan
Stay home: if you can
Stay home: else, in this “C” we’ll drown

By Blulu

 

There was a young lady named Rita
Who decided her friends could now meet her
But as she entered the park
A police man did bark
“Just make sure you’re parted 2 metres”

By Stuart le Grice

 

There was an old clanger called Major,
Who self isolated to avoid danger.
Rainbow string soup was the best,
Surpassing the rest;
Thursdays he clangered for the NHS.

By Edward

 

This ubiquitous covidious ol' virus
Is pandemically a medical crisis
But what we don't see
Is that vitamin C
Is the salve that'll universally save us!

By Karen

 

A pensioner who lives on his own
During lockdown feels very alone
With no one to talk to
And little to do
Please won't you call him on the phone

By Val Swanborough

 

A virtual assistant in Churchdown
Got stuck in in a dirty great lockdown
Her children came home
'cause they weren't free to roam
How she cussed, that VA stuck in lockdown!

By Sam Johnstone

 

Shielding in Bushey
Life has become cushy
No family/friends meeting
Watching tv and eating
Our brains are now getting mushy.

By Linda

 

Thousands of people are dying with co vid 19
The Worldwide coronavirus Pandemic is incredibly mean
Not able to save our loved ones from this causes us great distress
Our Heartbreaking world is becoming one great big mess.

By Kate

 

Which child should I put in my bubble ?
If I choose my daughter, then trouble
Will come from my son,
Should he be Number One ?
Pass the gin, my problems could double. ....

By Susan

 

There was a recluse of Verona
Who heard all the news of Corona
When told to lockdown
He replied, with a frown,
“It’s OK, I’m already a loner"

By Caroline

 

There was an advisor called Dominic
Whose wife got Covid and was sick
So he drove a long way
It took him all day
Because he is a selfish and arrogant pr@“k

By Paul Davies

 

If lockdown is making you blue
This is what you should do
Listen to the birds sing
See what nature will bring
And give thanks for all that is new

By Val Swanborough

 

While suffering from Covid 19
I thought I best stay unseen
But my family and friends stayed in touch to the end
Which considerably raised my esteem.

By Jacqueline Hughes

 

There was a young lady called Ellie
Who spent lockdown watching the telly
Avoiding friends and the fam
Eating pudding from a can
She grew to roughly the size of a nelly!

By Ellie Spider

 

A dashing young chap called Tom Moore
Fought bravely in the Second World War
In lockdown he didn’t sit writing verses
He walked to support our Doctors and Nurses
Our National Health Service
Whom we all do adore.

By Amy Kells

 

The challenge of this here lockdown
Apart from change out of my dressing gown
Was to make up a rhyme
A funny limerick this time
To bring a smile and to banish the frown.

By The Handwritten Letter Appreciation Society

 

There was a young lady called Mary
Who through lockdown was getting quite hairy
Her attempts at a trim
Left her looking quite grim
In fact she was really quite scary

By Phil Aplin

 

There was once a kid from Bridgend,
Who was badly missing his friends.
He said 'meet me at mine,
And gave them a time
Which contributed to their sad ends.

By Avril Staple

 

A lady who trained at the gym
Determined to keep herself slim.
Then lockdown kicked in
The future looked grim
But she walked every day and stayed trim

By Jackie Pritchard

 

Who attempted to get an old box down.
She climbed on the table
But being unable
Ended up pulling the lot down.

By Avril Staple

 

When the Covid pandemic was rife,
Stuck at home with the kids and the wife,
Homeschool and furlough
Became telly and Merlot,
And Francis said "This is the life!".

By Robert Bermingham

 

There was a young lady called Kay
Who was told at home she must stay
To protect NHS
She wore a nice dress
at 8pm clapping Hooray

By Paul Davies

 

There was a young wife in lockdown,
Whose baking made her hubby frown,
When he tried to bite in

By Elaine Oliver

 

In March Boris chose to deny us,
Our freedom, because of a virus,
To flatten the curve,
Folks had to observe,
A 2 metre gap to pass by us!!

By Paula Ibbetson

 

Mummy, Daddy, Mary and Jean
Have been in lock down forever its seems
Once sick in bed
Now they bake ALL the bread
And do P.E. with Joe as a covid butt kicking team.

By Sarah Snell-Pym

 

There was a young lady called Lyn
Who was sick of being Locked In
While feeling quite rude
She stood in the nude
And drew rainbows all over her skin!

By Lyn Funnel

 

I don't know what more I can say,
About the price we've all had to pay.
Sickness, hatred, and fear,
And because it's leap year,
We get to suffer for one extra day.

By Jordan D Becker

 

Everyday on Facebook a post from Bee
Specially crafted for you and me
On Friday a picture of a goat
Or the chance to win a boat
When all she wants is to swim in the sea

By Gerald Crittle

 

As divisions continue to harden,
I’m happy that I have a garden.
I work with my wife,
To create edible life.
It’s like a little quarantine pardon.

By Jordan D Becker

 

When I was younger, loud music was hot,
Up near the stage, more often than not.
Now I’m old, as you see,
When we’re watching TV,
I’m always asking my wife, “they said what?”

By Jordan D Becker

 

There once was a virus called Corona
Which made everyone a big moaner
We are all stuck indoors
Doing nothing but chores
And dreaming of trips to Barcelona

By Jaz Hunt

 

Its lockdown day 93
Maud has grown her hair to her knee
She has got quite good at making lots of bread pud
And eats it for breakfast, lunch and tea

By Sharon Griffin

 

The virus has caused many harms
And animals are stuck on their farms
But not all is bad
One thing makes me glad
Waking up without my alarms

By Jordan D Becker

 

So dear friends I do hope you’re alert
For all types of virus that spurt
From the noses of strangers
And other real dangers
That lurk all around in the dirt

By Julie Meriwoode

 

It’s boring to sit in your room
And focus on possible doom
When staying at home
And unable to roam
Thank god for Facebook and Zoom

By Jordan D Becker

 

There was a quiet woman from Dorking
Who bought a big stick for her walking
It was two meters long
At the end was a prong
Social distancing’s more fun than talking

By Louise Firchau

 

There once was a woman called Faye
Who read the page ‘Pepuptheday’
She tried to write rhymes
About current times
But couldn’t think of anything to say

By Louise Firchau

 

There once was an old hotel porter
Resided in Bourton th’ Water
The place all closed down
He moaned and he frowned
“But Corona I’ve already caught ya”

By Louise Firchau

 

It been very strange times for us all
Boris bikes left chained to the wall
No Cummings and goings
Not Witty, just boring
Life has been completely D. Raab

By Caroline Hemple

 

We will get through the lockdown
And get back to ‘painting the town’
While we wait, have no fear
Try to be of good cheer
And keep that frown turned upside down

By Louise Comb

 

In Oxford I shield all alone
And my how the boredom has grown
But I learnt how to cook
And now if you look
I post pics of my Beef Bourguignon(e)

By Mark Minnie Whittaker

 

There was a round woman from Stow
Who usually had nowhere to go
But once it was said
Stay at home, keep your head
She wanted to go out to and fro

By Louise Firchau

 

Ancient folk didn’t wash or take showers
Or watch birds, talk on Zoom, or grow flowers
When post-plague world was fine
They had orgies and wine
So I have to ask now — when are ours?

By Stephen Ban

 

The law says you can’t drive while drunk
Or walk around waving your junk
It’s a much smaller ask
To just wear a mask
Yet it puts many into a funk

By Jordan D Becker

 

There was an old man called Dominic
Who took a trip in his Crown Vic
Went off for the day
Was sick, didn’t say
What an insufferable prick

By Louise Firchau

 

Netflix and Hulu and Prime
And network shows about crime
With some cable news
To hear some new views
That’s how I spend all my time

By Jordan D Becker

 

Not wearing a mask is quite rude
It isn’t about freedom, my dude
We have laws for protection
Without mass objection
Like preventing us shopping while nude

By Jordan D Becker

 

There once was a woman called Liza
Who stockpiled cheap hand sanitiser
Her hands were all sticky
Friends all took the mickey
When they realised it was in fact Tizer

By Louise Firchau

 

Livid in covid
Driven inside
Family by my side

By Stephanie Ann

 

There once was a woman called Kay
Who stayed in her house every day
Did her shopping online
Washed her hands all the time
But she went insane way back in May

By Louise Firchau

 

There was a young man called Palin
Who used to like to go whalin’
In Eighty Days
All over the place
Without so much as complainin’

By Nicola Warren

 

We all love our Kuenssbergs and Piers',
Filling us with irrational fears,
This Covid nineteen,
Is bang up their scene,
Now they've run out of Brexit my dears!

By Brian Clayton

 

I'm writing a limerick today
Because I just wanted to say
Thanks to those who care
Who give and who share
And spread blessings along the way

By Val Swanborough

 

So one big advantage of Zoom
Is there’s no need to tidy the room
Just clear up the space
Which will be seen near my face
And some lipstick to add va va voom

By Julie Meriwoode

 

Not easy to work or to play
In self-isolation we stay;
We've no haircuts or schools,
Can't go swimming in pools,
So just enjoy Pep up the Day!

By Lena Homer

 

Corona has always been bad
Glass bottles with bobbles was clad,
‘Twas brought by a man,
From the crate on his van,
And the rot in our teeth was so sad.

By Margaret Peacock

 

There once was a family from Fife
Who were living their best lockdown life.
Baking was done,
Board games were won
And the drinking of wine became rife.

By Heather Bowie

 

We've got a new puppy called Honey,
Who's antics and japes are quite funny.
She eats such a lot,
She won't stay in one spot.
She's definitely value for money!

By Katharine Downey

 

There was a man named Fred
Who liked to Stay in bed
On each work day
The man would say
'Oh, how I miss my bed!'

By Amy Stevens

 

There is a new virus in town
That’s turned our whole world upside down,
Be in and not out
Eat more and get gout
And live in a pink dressing gown.

By Margaret Peacock

 

There as an old tory called Dom
Who went crying back to his mom
With his comings and goings
And mischievous miss-doings
But Boris let him off with aplomb

By Jimmy Milligan

 

There was a man in isolation
Who to begin with was incredibly patient
But that eye test at Barnard
Made it incredibly hard
Now he walks coughing through Waterloo Station

By Col McSloy

 

While Boris was battling infections
Wingman Raab struggled with direct questions
Was it yes? Was it no?
Poor Dom just didn’t know
So Chris Whitty stepped in with suggestions

By Sue Hemsworth

 

There once was a couple from Wilts,
Who walked to the shops on their stilts,
Too tall for the door,
They fell to the floor,
And both felt a couple of tilts!

By Joo Dee

 

There once was a lady called Shirl
Who was happy go lucky kinda Girl
She loved doing quizzes all Day
With the help of Pepuptheday
So will give this fun competition a Whirl 

By Shirley Ann Lumley

 

Once, the world was infected,
Leaving us feel disconnected.
But we found a way
To pep up our days
Until a vaccine was invented.

By Avril Staple

 

As the virus spread fast through all lands
Still Boris kept on shaking hands
But then he got sick
The arrogant prick
THEN he listened to experts’ commands

By Sue Hemsworth

 

We all love to drink and to dance,
But with Covid we don't have a chance,
Now I've got the answer you all,
We'll have a completely masked ball,
Corona virus you're pants!!

By Brian Clayton

 

My girlfriend's in need of assistance,
She's forbidden by social distance,
She wants to make love,
But by heavens above,
She's weakened my loyal resistance !

By Brian Clayton

 

*There was a lady from Tore
Whose toe was incredibly sore
She danced all night
In shoes too tight
Now she needs a well-sprung floor.

 

*There was a young man from Lerwick
Who awoke with a throbbing tick
This bored his wife rigid
For she’d become frigid
So none for me, thank you dear Rick.

*There was a lady from San Moritz
Good at yoga, could do the splits
Her husband was thorny
His jokes were quite corny
He admired his wife for her wits.

 

*There was a lady from Venus
Whose husband was obsessed by his cleanness
He spent half an hour
Soaping up in the shower
His wife loved him all the more for his keenness.

 

*There was a man from bustling Zurich
Who awoke with a throbbing nightstick
His wife wasn’t keen
Now jaded, not green
When he offered the delights of his picnic.

There was a lady from Piccadilly
Whose nightie was hot pink and quite frilly
Her husband made moves
His hands she removes
Says stop tickling and don’t be so silly.

 

*There was a lady from sunny Bangkok
Whose husband had his own alarm clock
He woke with throbbing head
She offered breakfast instead
Suggested why don’t you go back to your sock.

*Her husband at cooking was no slob
He could meet the needs of his wife, a food snob
He made a picnic
His cumberland was thick
She keenly buttered his corn on the cob.

*He lived with his wife on the lazy river front
He liked to take her out daily for a bit of a punt
Pushed off upstream
Ate scones with cream
Unmoored his pole and propelled her flatbottom with grunt.

*Several limericks sent in by Moa

 

Don’t Feel Glum !!!!!!!!!
Just out reach to a Chum

By Angela

 

The UK has been in lockdown for months now,
Lots of things we cannot allow,
People break rules,
The government have duels,
And I've grown as fat as a sow!

By Jess Cozens

 

As divisions continue to harden,
I’m happy that I have a garden.
I work with my wife,
To create edible life.
It’s like a little quarantine pardon.

By Jordan D Becker

 

"Don't go out" government asserts,
No sport, no pubs, no pop concerts,
No days out, no holidays,
"Be alert" so Boris says.
For let's face it, we need more lerts!!!

By Mike Swanborough

 

There was an old lady called Bessie,
While in lockdown her house became messy,
Her carers helped out, With a spring cleaning bout,
Now all's ship-shape, shiny and dressy!

By  Jane Bailey

 

I'm really enjoying a lie-in,
Though sad about everyone dyin'.
A curate's egg, this,
Part stressful, part bliss,
Have you noticed how more birds are flyin'?

By Andy Stone

 

A grandma from Warden Hill
Found her social life suddenly stood still
But instead of baulking
She took to walking
And now, every day, she's " over the hill "

By Vincent Jared Preston

 

If I'd needed to shut down my life
And be forced to avoid world strife
I'd have chosen a place
Where they all like my face
I'd have done it away from my wife

By Patrick Beer

 

There was a young man called Derek
Who due to a worldwide pandemic
Had to isolate away
For day after day
So he didn’t need the help of a medic

By Paul Davies

 

She reached for the gin
And spent furlough in her dressing gown

By Elaine Oliver

 

There was a young girl from Belgravia
Who had a corona fear
But was a brave yeah
She became a hand sanitiser entrepreneur
And now lives in a mansion that changes couleur
That wonderful girl from Belgravia

By Melanie Burford

 

My heart was filled with sorrow
When my boss told me I was furlough
But months in the sun
Meant I had so much fun
I am sad that I return tomorrow

By Paul Davies

 

More details about LOCKDOWN LIMERICK CHALLENGE - all the 133 entries listed and the winners are announced, with the winner reading her winning limerick! (External Link)

 

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